kiss kiss bang bang

OK. I'm obsessed with "the kiss". i admit, then confess it. i really don't know why i give that much of importance to the kiss i experience every time. i mean, many people may think: "come on, its just a kiss" but NO, kiss is not JUST a kiss. it's the beginning of everything. the evolution. the revolution. 


i remember what i thought when i had my first kiss. i was 17, and i already had turned down so many (maybe 2 or 3) guys wanting to kiss me just because i wanted to have my first kiss with a more special person. in the end, i did NOT have it with that kind of "special" person. 


"so, is that it?!?"


i was totally disappointed. he was not a bad kisser. i don't know what i was expecting. however with more practice, i got over that disappointment after all. 


then i had the kiss which swept my feet off, literally gave way in the knees (dizlerin bagi cozulmesi kavrami), probably was not only the kiss, but also the romantic ambiance and the kisser whom i was really really into. I lost balance that i had to stop him kissing me.


then for 9 years, i have practiced this "art genre" with quite a lot of people... some good, same bad, some "comme si comme ça", some weird, some hot, some licky, some dry, some "oh, i wanna forget about the whole thing, just kill me NOW", and some "stop and marry me!" experiences... so many different styles, different tactics, use, OMG, it's really that complicated as i sound! 


I didn't mind "learning" or "adjusting" to people... It was just a kiss, right?!


but for some reason, only since last couple of years, i started to care (obsess would be the right word :P) about the kiss that much. maybe a bit too much... anyways, who cares. 


maybe that's because i got to know myself a lot more, and also what i really want, and how i really want... 


and from that time on, on people kissing bad/not good enough i lost TOTAL interest. no adjustment, no learning, nothing. 


seriously, I'm 26 now, i've spent my life learning things but mostly trying to adjust and settle for guys. then i tried to teach, considering that i am not even myself that qualified..... that's just SAD. 


I'm done with that. i won't baby-sit or train men. if i can't even get what i exactly want, than what's the point? 


oh, you don't know how to use your lips? 
oh, you don't know where and how to put your hands?
oh, you can't even get it up?
FUERA! 


as my flatmate always says: our time is too precious to waste it with useless people and doing unpractical things... :)


and sometimes, she is right.